Debriefed
by iamdragonrider
Summary: Short bit of stupid nonsense. SG1 is nekkid. Yep. Nekkid.
1. Debriefed

Summary: Short bit of stupid nonsense. SG-1 is nekkid. Yep. Nekkid.  
Category: Humor/Stupid (that's a category I made up, there should be a Stupid category)  
Season: Five, no spoilers  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Minor language, nudity (like you can see it!)  
Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

_A/N: This one's stupid. Really stupid. But I couldn't help it. You've been warned._

Debriefed by iamdragonrider

Colonel Jack O'Neill walked confidently into the temple, his team in various poses around the cavernous space. Major Samantha Carter was bent over some alien device in the center of the room, various tools and instruments in her hands and nearby as she tried to figure out what the thing was. Dr. Daniel Jackson was standing by one of the walls, carefully dusting at some of the inscriptions, his brow furrowed in concentration as he tried to puzzle out just what the alien language said. Teal'c stood to one side of the doorway, in a relaxed alert position, staff weapon held in one hand, ready to defend his two scientific teammates should the need arise. O'Neill had just returned from a brief perimeter check and nodded that everything was ok. Teal'c inclined his head briefly, returning the nod and signaling that everything inside was all right as well.

Satisfied, Jack walked to the front of temple, where a large altar type arrangement stood, passing Carter on the way. She didn't even note his passing. Amused, he smiled to himself. She was totally in scientist mode. Somewhat bored, Jack continued to the big altar. It had some interesting looking pictures on it, not that he'd tell Daniel that he found them interesting.

Several feet from the altar however, Jack felt the floor beneath his left boot give slightly. With a curse, Jack leapt back, and noticed the tile he'd just tread on had sunk into the ground. At first he though maybe it was just a loose panel, but then there was a grinding noise, and a steadily building hum.

"Uh, sir?" Carter's hesitant query had him whipping around. His 2IC was standing up, and backing away from the doohickey she'd been studying all morning. It was now glowing with a blue light.

"Carter, what have I told you about turning these things on?"

But she shook her head, holding up her hands, still staring at the device. "I didn't sir, I swear I haven't even touched it. I can't even figure out where the power source is."

"Jack, why is that floor tile lit up?" Daniel had stepped away from his wall, and had moved closer to where Sam was; his gaze was trained on the floor tile that Jack had inadvertently stepped on however.

Jack looked down at the tile near his feet and swore. "Shit. I just thought it was loose. It must have activated the thing when I stepped on it. Ok people, lets get out of here, move."

Sam looked like she wanted to argue, but she took one look at her CO's face and gave it up as a lost cause. Abandoning her gear, she had only started to head to the exit with the rest of them when there was a bright flash.

For a moment, none of them could see anything but glaring white, despite squeezing their eyes closed and throwing their arms over their faces for protection. Jack was aware of a tingling sensation all over his skin. While not uncomfortable, it was not particularly pleasant either. It lasted for several moments. The light dimmed. There was a soft stirring, like a breeze, and then he became conscious of feeling a bit colder than he had felt previously. In fact, it was downright drafty. Reluctantly, Jack opened his eyes, and glanced down at himself, confirming his suspicions.

Not a stitch on him.

There was a very feminine yelp nearby, and he turned to catch a blur of pale white skin and golden hair, as it dove behind a similarly attired, or should he say un-attired, Daniel.

"Sam!" cried Daniel indignantly, trying to cover himself with his hands, as he made the mistake of trying to turn to see the woman behind him. He was rewarded with a sharp elbow to the ribs, which quickly brought him to his senses. Daniel's cheeks turned an impressive shade of pink, and the blush traveled down his neck, in fact it traveled all the way down to his… ah hem. Jack averted his eyes as Daniel mumbled a hasty reply to the person now concealed behind him.

"O'Neill, all of our weapons and supplies are also missing." Teal'c was suddenly standing in front of Jack, in all his glory, making no effort to cover up anything. Jack blinked, realizing belatedly, that he himself hadn't done anything much to cover up, not that he had much to cover up with besides his two hands, there didn't seem to be a single loose item in the room.

"Now why the hell would the thing do that?" They'd run across all sorts of machines in their years of going through the stargate, but this was the first one to zap all their clothes and gear off their bodies, not to mention every object from the room.

"Jack, the inscriptions I was translating seemed to indicate that there was some sort of cleansing ritual, and that only the body was sacred enough to enter the temple. Everything else would be removed once the ceremony started." Daniel moved to pinch the bridge of his nose, and frowned, as his fingers encountered nothing. Jack realized the man was missing his glasses. Great, that was just great. Daniel took a step towards the wall again, and Sam squawked, moving with him.

Glaring at the machine, Jack made up his mind. "Ah no, hold it Danny. Ok, we're out of here." Jack took in Carter's position, still behind Daniel. "Carter, you watch our sixes." The words were out of his mouth before he even thought about them.

"Yes sir." Her reply emerged with a bit of a squeak, and Jack decided to ignore it, striding off in the direction of the gate.

"But Jack…" Daniel tried to protest.

"Ah! No buts Daniel! It will be dark soon, my ass is freezing, we have no food, no weapons, we're going home, and that's final." Daniel did not try to argue again, suddenly seeing the logic, and a whole lot more than he wanted to see, as Teal'c came to stand nearby.

"Is your vision well enough without your visual aid Daniel Jackson?"

Daniel blinked, taking in the sight of the massive Jaffa warrior, who seemed to have no shame with regards to his body. In fact, the Jaffa seemed to have nothing to be ashamed of. Fighting a blush, Daniel forced his eyes to remain above the waist. "Uh, yeah, Teal'c, they're fine." More than fine. Too fine. In fact, as a soft body bumped into him from behind for the umpteenth time, he thought being blind without glasses might be better actually. Daniel quickly fell in behind Teal'c.

All of them stumbled a bit more than usual, since they were all too busy trying not to look at certain things. Well, except for Teal'c, who seemed to be amused by his companions, and Jack, who was on point, the lucky bastard. Fortunately, the gate wasn't far, and was quickly in sight.

Jack stopped in the pathway and Sam literally ran into Daniel again. She looked everywhere but at her CO's six, even though she was technically disobeying an order. Well, he had ordered her to watch their sixes right? She peeked around Daniel, and then ducked back as Jack turned to speak. "Ok, kids, here's the plan we dial up and ask them to send some clothes through to us. Shut the gate down and wait for them to send the supplies."

The words were no sooner out of his mouth than the ground started shaking, hard enough to literally knock them all to the ground. It shook for several minutes. Behind them, several large stones fell from the temple.

When the shaking stopped, Jack looked back over his team, wincing at the tangle of naked limbs, like some sort of drunken game of Twister. Fixing his eyes on a nearby shrub, Jack demanded, "Carter, what the hell was that?"

"I don't know sir, when the device activated, it must have caused some instability in the planets' crust, triggering an earth quake. The area may not be safe for a while." As if to prove her words, the ground trembled again.

Wasting no more time, SG-1 scrambled to their feet, and made double time to the gate. Daniel dialed out, and then they realized they had no GDO, and no radio.

"Sir, I can send a radio signal with the MALP." She was already moving to the machine, and Jack adverted his gaze as she ducked behind it. Before long, she'd done something from behind one of the panels and the little camera came to life, panning around the clearing. Jack moved forward, so as not to present too much of a view. Suddenly, he realized that getting them to send clothes would be out of the question.

"This is General Hammond of the SGC, who am I speaking with?" The tinny disembodied voice transmitted through the tiny speakers was unmistakable and carried a wealth of authority. Jack winced unintentionally.

"Uh, General sir, we seem to be having a little bit of a problem here." Jack swallowed nervously.

"Colonel O'Neill? Is everything all right? Do you require assistance?" The General's voice was concerned now.

"Uh, yeah, General, we're fine. Its just, well, we've lost the GDO, and were wondering if you'd open the door for us."

Jack could practically see the General's eyebrows straining to reach his nonexistent hairline. "You lost the GDO?"

"We didn't mean to." Just then, the earth bucked rather forcefully, tilting the MALP. The wormhole flickered slightly and Carter cried out as she was knocked to the ground, connecting painfully with the DHD. Daniel was also thrown to the ground and Jack landed hard on one knee with a colorful curse. Teal'c somehow remained standing in defiance of the planet.

"Sir, we need to get out of here!" There was a note of urgency in Carter's voice, and a line of blood on her forehead. Jack dared not let his eyes travel lower. Daniel moved to help her up and fortunately blocked his vision, but then again that was not necessarily a good thing. Jack swallowed, dragging himself back to his feet.

"Colonel, Colonel O'Neill, what's going on?" The voice of General Hammond was calling through the MALP, and worry was evident in the normally controlled tones.

"We're fine sir, its just things are getting a little shaky here, and Carter thinks we need to get out of here. Request permission to come home, sir?" The ground trembled again, another aftershock, and Jack winced as a large tree branch fell not far from the clearing.

There were several moments of silence, and Jack wondered if they'd get permission after all. Finally, Hammond's voice came over the speaker. "Very well, permission granted, you may come through the gate SG-1, a security detail will be meeting you in the gateroom."

Jack frowned. This would be one for the SGC Christmas party. "Ok kids, let's go." As if happy to see them go, the ground shook again. Carter let out a squeak again, and stumbled into his back, and he jumped at the contact of her soft skin against his.

The trip through the gate was a lot colder than he remembered. And the metal ramp a lot more uncomfortable under his bare feet. Belatedly, his hands moved to cover his private regions, as he took in the larger than usual security force in the room. There was a strangled noise behind him, and soft flesh was suddenly melded to his backside. "Carter, do you mind?" he growled under his breath. This was so not helping.

"Sorry sir." The whisper was desperate, and the pressure eased marginally.

Teal'c was standing impassive, hands behind his back. His eyebrow rose at the whispered exchange. Daniel was on Jack's other side, and slightly behind, also doing his best to conceal, and using Jack's body for the small amount of shielding it could provide, the coward. Jack wished he'd thought of it first.

There was a cough at the end of the ramp. Look cool. Act like nothing at all unusual was going on. Just a normal mission for SG-1. "Ah, General, I'd salute, but, uh… " Damn, that wasn't what he'd meant to say.

General Hammond blinked, but recovered quickly. "Actually, Colonel, I'd prefer if you'd didn't. Report to the infirmary. I'm looking forward to this debriefing. Its not every day that SG-1 shows up having been debriefed already. Dismissed." The General did an about face, and left the gate room.

Jack stared after the man, dumbfounded. "Did he just…"

Daniel blinked, squinting. "Uh, yeah, he did."

They were so never living this one down.


	2. Debriefing

_A/N: Umm. Ok… So I couldn't help it! I truly thought Chapter one would be a one shot. I also want to say that I was really, truly, overwhelmed by the response to chapter one. It was sooo stupid. But you all liked it, and Teal'c just stole the show (somehow, I just could not imagine Teal'c cowering or trying to hide in any way, its just not in his nature, hopefully, this chapter will continue to do it justice in a humorous way.) Anyway… Some of you begged for a debriefing… so here we go and a little bit more, it actually started from the opening and closing scenes, and the rest just came from the dark weird places of my mind, and we'll see if it was a good idea for me to have continued this one or if I should have just left it alone! (And sorry, no S/J for those that were hoping!)_

Debriefing by iamdragonrider

Jack stared at the departing figure of the base CO, doing his best to ignore the room full of snickers and whispers, as the extra security detail filed out of the room. Finally, medics appeared, and SG-1 all but pounced on the blankets they were carrying. Well three of them did anyway.

"I am not cold." Teal'c look confused at the offer of the blanket, and completely unconcerned over his lack of clothing. The medic holding the blanket looked like he didn't know whether he wanted to pass out from shock or die from holding in his laugher. On the other hand, if he laughed, he might very well die, given the Jaffa's quicksilver moods.

Deciding quick action was needed, Jack grabbed the blanket from the medic's hands and dismissed the man before he bust a gut, then thrust the item at his teammate. "Look, Teal'c, just wrap yourself in it until we get to the locker room, OK?"

Raising an eyebrow, Teal'c reluctantly took the proffered blanket from Jack's hands and wrapped it about his waist. Jack rolled his eyes, and turned to discover Carter and Daniel had already left the room. Which likely meant Carter had probably beaten Daniel to the showers. Which in turn meant the locker room was now the female locker room.

With a sigh, Jack pulled his blanket tighter about his own body and lead the way to the door. "C'mon, infirmary."

_debriefeddebriefeddebriefeddebriefeddebriefeddebriefeddebriefeddebriefeddebriefed_

Sure enough, Jack and Teal'c found Daniel perched on a bed in the infirmary, his blanket tucked securely about him, and an uncustomary sour expression on his normally pleasant features.

"Couldn't run fast enough, eh Daniel?" The other man's scowl just deepened. Fortunately, any reply he might have had was saved by the arrival of Dr. Janet Fraiser.

The short redhead took in the blanket-clad group with a quirk of her lips, barely able to suppress her grin and hide her amusement. Evidently word had already reached the infirmary. SG-1 was so doomed.

"Well?" was all she said. Her arms were crossed, clipboard held against her chest, and eyebrows raised expectantly.

Shrugging nonchalantly, Jack hopped onto the next bed, while making sure his blanket kept all his important places covered. "It was hot," he said unhelpfully, ignoring the raised eyebrow from Teal'c and the withering gaze from Daniel.

Janet merely blinked disbelievingly. She didn't even lift her pen to make a notation on her chart. "Hot?" she repeated, making sure she let her tone convey how little truth she found in the statement.

"Yeah. And we all know that Teal'c is way too sexy for his shirt." And now Daniel rolled his eyes and Teal'c's eyebrow reached record heights. Jack just fiddled innocently with some of the instruments on a nearby tray, and Janet hastily removed it from his reach, shaking her head.

"Fine, if you don't want to tell me how you lost your clothes, I'll just have to read the mission report, I'm sure it will be public knowledge soon enough." With that, Janet pulled the curtain closed, signaling an end to the discussion.

_debriefeddebriefeddebriefeddebriefeddebriefeddebriefeddebriefeddebriefeddebriefed_

An hour later, SG-1 was assembled in the briefing room, all of them never so grateful as they were to be wearing standard olive drab military issue BDU's. They were also thankful to be away from the prying eyes of the rest of the SGC at least for a short time. They had met with more than one curious stare, bemused smirk, and muffled snort in their trip through the corridors. Unfortunately, it would probably last for days, if not longer.

For instance, there was the time SG-17 had come back, covered from head to toe in a strange green substance, with an odd glow in the dark luminescence that had taken more than one shower to wear off. Well, it had taken two weeks for the hubbub to die down. And to this day, people still affectionately referred to the team as the "Glo-worms," even though one or two of their team members had changed. Jack now idly wondered if the transfers were due to stress.

His musing was interrupted as General Hammond entered, setting a folder down on the desk and doing a poor job at concealing a smirk. It seemed even the base commander wasn't immune to a bit of ribbing at SG-1's expense. Jack buried a sigh, and noted that all of his team, except Teal'c, who was staring at the far wall as if he were Superman with laser eyes, were all doing their royal best to keep their heads down.

The General started speaking after briefly clearing his throat and taking a seat, waiting until everyone else had sat back down. "Well, SG-1, I trust the device you discovered on your latest mission is of little to no strategic importance?" Again, there was that little twitch at the corner of Hammond's lips.

Jack frowned, slouching in his seat and fiddling with his pen. "Well, that all depends on how you look at it General." He didn't meet the General's startled gaze, but knew the man was looking at him in surprise.

"How so Colonel?" By now, Carter and Daniel had also dropped their acts at trying to be invisible, and were openly staring at him, and even Teal'c had turned x-ray vision his way, as if to probe his mind.

Tossing the pen onto the table Jack straightened up and shrugged. "Well, we could always use it to embarrass our enemies. Or make them die laughing." And now he finally turned to watch the startled General's reaction, as the man struggled for control. At one point, Hammond's mouth opened, as if to reply, but he blinked and promptly closed it.

Several moments later, the General took a deep breath, wet his lips, and spoke. "Very well Colonel O'Neill, SG-1. I think I've heard enough. I expect mission reports on my desk by tomorrow afternoon. Dismissed." He stood, and the others followed suit, beating a hasty retreat, but Jack halted in his tracks at the General's next words. "Oh, and Colonel?"

"Yes sir?"

"Make sure your report includes an extra summary for me of details on just how the device might be used in our fight against the Goa'uld." Without waiting for a reply, Hammond turned on his heel and left the room.

Staring after the man, Jack realized the rest of his team was waiting for him in the doorway. Hurrying to catch up, Jack cast a look at the now closed door to the General's office. Jerking his thumb over his shoulder, Jack couldn't help but ask, "Did he just…?"

"Yes, sir," replied Carter.

Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose. "We are so screwed."

"Indeed," said Teal'c.

They were so never living this one down.

_The end_


	3. Rebriefed

_A/N: And the stupid nonsense continues. Special thanks (or blame) to SG1-Fanfic for this one._

Rebriefed by iamdragonrider

"I can't believe we had to come back here and get this thing, and drag it back through the gate with us. What possible use could it have?" Colonel O'Neill muttered under his breath, pacing around the temple room, careful to remain away from the tile that had caused their original embarrassing incident.

"Well, you were the one that suggested the use Jack," commented Daniel from over by one of the walls he hadn't been able to study for very long the last time.

"Removing weapons would be more useful sir, if we could isolate it to certain items. The technology alone is worth studying." Carter piped up from her position, underneath the device, only her legs visible, an assortment of tools within reach. Teal'c stood nearby, offering a hand when needed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't see why they had to send _us_." And there it was, the crux of the matter. It had been well known that SG-1 was returning to the planet where the "incident" had occurred. And O'Neill had been in a sour mood ever since, because SG-1 had been the butt end, literally, of every joke on base ever since. Security tapes of the gate room footage had spread faster than an alien virus. Everyone had known by the next day it seemed, even the teams off world. Comments were made about being out of uniform. They were asked if the world they'd just visited had been a little hot. An anonymous email featuring bare butt cheeks dancing across the screen was circulated. They received invitations in their email and flyers and their interdepartmental mail to join nudist colonies or visit nude beaches. The first annual SGC strip poker tournament was announced, and was to be hosted by SG-1 according to the flyers they found in their locker room. Going through the gate became referred to as going skinny-dipping. When it was learned that SG-1 would be going back, Ferretti asked Jack if he'd be coming back in his birthday suit again. Jack merely scowled and walked away.

Unfortunately, the rest of SG-1 had been stuck with the Colonel and his sour temper, but they were used to his many moods and gave him space. Sensing he was being surly, Jack sighed, and tried to be more civil. "How's it going Carter?"

"Almost done sir, I just have to undo this last connection, and…" there were a few metallic sounds, and a small grunt as she did whatever it was under the thing. "Ok, now I just need to unhook it and we're good." He heard her say. A moment later, there was a loud electric whine, and Carter cried out in pain. At the same time the room was bathed in an all too familiar white glare, that made his skin tingle. Squeezing his eyes shut, Jack stumbled towards Carter, feeling cold air against his skin, but was too concerned with Carter to worry about it.

The light faded, and he could see Teal'c already kneeling by the machine, pulling her out. She was dazed and barely conscious, and dressed only in her underwear. He blinked. He hadn't expected that. And especially not plain, cotton panties with little flowers on them, like the kind his mother would have worn, and a plain cotton bra. Somehow, he found it comforting. Shaking his head, he turned back to the matter at hand, and focused on Carter's face. Confused blue eyes locked on his, and her brow furrowed.

"Sur? Wha hap'ned?" Her words slurred slightly and she moved her left hand up to her forehead, massaging it. He took her right hand gently; suspicions confirmed when he found a red mark across several fingers and the palm, suggesting an electrical shock.

"I should be asking that question Carter." He continued studying her face and she winced as he probed at her hand.

She frowned. "I don know. Wha hap'ned to your clothes sur?"

Jack blinked and looked down, discovering he was clad in only his boxers. At least he had boxers on this time. Of course it figured he'd chosen to wear the Homer Simpson boxer shorts, out of all his pairs of nondescript underwear he could have chosen, today of all days. He'd been wearing a pair of perfectly respectable underwear last week in fact, the day their clothes had been zapped into non-existence. Focusing back on Carter, he decided to change the subject instead. "Care to sit up?"

She contemplated the question for a moment, lifting her head up to look around the room slightly, before finally answering. "Nope. Co'fortable. Thanks." She closed her eyes, and leaned her head back on the hard stone floor.

Jack's eyebrows shot up, and he looked over at Teal'c in concern, only to realize with a start that the man wasn't wearing anything.

"Teal'c? You go commando?" Jack stared at Teal'c in disbelief.

"Commando?" Teal'c was confused.

"You, uh, don't wear anything underneath."

"Ah. Indeed O'Neill. I prefer to be unencumbered." Teal'c sounded as if the explanation made perfect sense.

"Doesn't that chafe!"

Teal'c merely raised an eyebrow in reply.

Just then Daniel knelt between them. Jack was pleased to note that the archeologist was at least covered, though Daniel's tight blue bikini style briefs didn't exactly leave much to the imagination. As if sensing Jack's scrutiny, Daniel crossed his arms over his chest self consciously, and cleared his throat. "Is Sam OK?"

Focusing back on the problem, Jack gave the woman's shoulder a little shake. "Carter?" She just moaned, so he shook her a little harder, rewarded when she finally opened her eyes, peering at him in confusion.

"Sir?"

"You done taking a nap Carter? Because I'd really like to get some clothes on and get back." He watched as she blinked in confusion a few times, taking in her surroundings, and when she made a move to sit up he offered her a hand, his hand on her bare skin making her startle as the realization set in.

"It happened again didn't it sir?" Her hands traveled reflexively down her body.

"Well, this time we seem to have our skivvies at least. Well those of us that were wearing them." Too late her eyes landed on Teal'c. Eyes widening, she looked away hastily, only to have them land on first the Colonel, then Daniel. Finally, she stared at her own lap, the rapid vision shifts making her dizzy. Jack didn't miss her sudden paleness, a stark contrast to her pink cheeks. "Why don't you stay here a minute Carter? Daniel, there's some blankets and things in the pack with the extra GDO and radio outside, can you go and get it?"

Happy to have something to do, Daniel jumped up and bounded from the room, returning in moments with the pack, rooting in it for the promised blankets. A moment later, he looked up at Jack, a confused expression on his face. "Jack, there are no blankets in here."

Jumping up, Jack crossed over and grabbed the pack. "What, I told them to pack extra blankets. Feretti picked up the packs from supply… Ferretti! I'll kill him!" Jack dropped the pack and headed to the door as if he were going back to the gate right at that very moment, forgetting all about Sam who was still seated on the ground next to the device they'd been sent to collect. Teal'c and Daniel each ran to grab an arm trying to slow the determined man down to no avail. It was only Sam's plaintive call that finally penetrated that got him to stop.

"Shit. I'm still killing him. Daniel, you help Carter. Teal'c, let's get that damn thing, so they can't make us come back for it again. Just make sure you don't set it off again. At least we have a GDO this time, even if I hate having to fill out an explanation for all the missing equipment again."

"You're telling me sir, General Hammond wasn't very happy about some of the things we lost last time. He won't be very happy a second time." Sam was now upright and leaning against Daniel. The two were quite a sight in their underwear, and Jack averted his eyes only to find them resting on Teal'c and all his glory. He sighed, and hefted his end of the alien device that was causing them so much trouble. He looked back over his shoulder at the pair again. "Hey Carter?"

"Yes sir?"

"Why do you think it only took our outer clothes this time, and not our underwear?"

Sam frowned as she concentrated on the problem, and maintaining her balance at the same time. She was still feeling rather dizzy from the electrical shock. "I've been thinking about it sir, and the only thing I can come up with is that maybe I accidentally changed the parameter to how close to the body something had to be. There were a lot of settings in there; I might have bumped something when I was disconnecting it. It's going to take a lot of studying."

"Hmph. Well, as long as they don't do it anywhere near me," Jack muttered under his breath, and for once, Carter agreed with him. She'd had enough of this particular piece of alien tech. Maybe they could find some nudists to study it.

The trip back to the gate was uneventful, no earthquakes like the last time, and they spent the rest of the way in silence. They sent their iris code with the backup GDO and received confirmation. Jack and Teal'c hefted the device, and Daniel pulled Sam's arm over his shoulder because she was visibly fading, looking exhausted. The shock had sapped a lot out of her.

Hammond met them at the foot of the ramp and his eyebrows rose yet again. Before he could speak, Jack marched down the ramp and set the thing down, Daniel and Sam following at a slower pace. "Mission completed sir. Permission to report to the infirmary? Carter got a little shock getting the thing disconnected."

The General blinked, taking in the appearance of his finest in their underwear. Well, except for Teal'c. Who would have known that the man would have preferred the freedom of going in the buff? Teal'c returned the General's gaze with a slight incline of his head, and Hammond turned back to his second, hiding his amusement over the man's choice of undergarments. "Permission granted. We'll debrief in an hour. Although I'm pleased to say that you have kept the briefs on this time. Well mostly. Dismissed."

As Hammond turned to leave, Janet Fraiser and several medics appeared handing out blankets to the group and prepared to escort them to the infirmary. A group of technicians appeared as well and Hammond directed them to take the device to a lab on level 22. The technicians moved to quickly obey his order, lifting the device onto a cart when Colonel O'Neill shouted out. "No, don't touch it there!"

Within seconds the room was engulfed in a blinding white flash, and Jack felt an all too familiar sensation crawling over his skin. With a curse, Jack realized his nice warm blanket was gone, and he'd only just gotten it.

Opening his eyes as soon as his vision cleared, he surveyed the gate room. And what a sight he saw. Every single person in the room and the adjoining control room was clad in their underwear, except for the few souls who the world now knew went commando. And what a varied selection of boxers, briefs, bikini underwear, and thongs there was on display. Wild and mild, there was a little of everything.

Out of curiosity, his eyes were automatically drawn to the bottom of the ramp, where the General Hammond still stood, and his mouth twitched. Smiling would be bad. Laughing would be worse. It might have been better had Hammond been one that had chosen to go commando or even been one of ones to wear a sexy undergarment. Compared to what General Hammond was wearing, people would likely forget the lacy ensemble that Dr. Fraiser was wearing and the tight bikini briefs of Daniel's and the little black thong that Gunnery Sergeant Thompson was wearing.

Sensing Jack's gaze, Hammond stared directly into his eyes, and Jack wore his best poker face as Hammond spoke, his cheeks slightly pink. "They were from my wife, she likes when I wear them." With that, Hammond turned, and walked up the stairs with all the decorum a two star general in command of a top-secret military base could muster. And it took all of Jack's control, control he'd learned under torture and duress and in boot camp not to laugh out loud.

Because the back of General Hammond silk boxer shorts were even better than the front. While the front had said "Hottie," the back had "Studmuffin," emblazoned across them.

It looked like SG-1 might live this one down after all, because the General would surely order the entire incident to never be spoken of again.

The End.

Really.

_A/N: Again, special thanks and blame to SG1-Fanfic, for the many discussions on what sort of underwear SG-1 might be wearing, and providing the inspiration for Daniel's attire (or lack of), and for agreeing with Teal'c's choice, and the Colonel and Sam. Hammond was a last minute addition; I thought SG-1 had undergone enough ribbing. Thanks to all the readers and reviewers, I love reading everyone's comments, more than writing almost, so keep the comments coming!_


End file.
